Friday, November 21, 2008

The Arcata Eye

When I feel tired and worn out, like today, I like to read good literature. The Arcata Eye, the mildly objectionable newspaper from Arcata California seems to fit the bill just fine. The Police Blotter is literature I really look forward to... it seems to be published in blog format. That is to say, a few lines then a link to "read more" . I generally find such blogs to be really objectionable, but thats beside the point. Below is a sampling of the Arcata Eye Police Log. The whole thing may be found here....

Johnny Potatochipseed plants asphalt orchard – November 11, 2008
11:32 a.m. Three to four imbibers guzzled booze on the pedestrian walkway, disposing of the bottles by a devilishly ingenious method – throwing them on the ground and shattering them. [More]
Doing the agitated needle-capping/uncapping dance – November 4, 2008
4:14 a.m. A trio of kids egged cars near a K Street car wash, creating treasured memories to last a lifetime. [More]
Rockin’, stompin’, drinkin’, druggin’ and doggin’
11:10 p.m. A bongo cabal on the squareMade major drum awesomeness thereWhen someone objectedPolice went and checked itAnd silenced the big beaty blare. [More]
A downed bongo pilot's disappointing posture – October 21, 2008
11:26 p.m. A saxophone’s schmorzando pealsIntruded on I Street’s idealsFor nighttime relaxin’Cops talked to the saxmanAnd ended the tortuous ordeal. [More]
The usual dingbat drill for alternative Army men
• Friday, September 19 1:17 p.m. A person sitting on the Plaza complained of being harassed by a juggler. [More]
Groovy buses deliver tie-dye, sewage to your doorstep
• Friday, September 19 12:22 a.m. The saxman’s melodious strainsInfected the slumbering brainsOf near-alley sleepersWho opened their peepersAnd called up the cops to complain.[More]
Pills, pits, poop, purloined property... party! – September 30, 2008
• Friday, September 12 1:06 a.m. The carport sounds, less than beguilingHad someone awakened and dialingPolice for assistanceThey met no resistanceAnd shut down a sax player’s stylings. [More]
Watermelon rind goes over to the dark side
2:01 p.m. A drunk positioned himself at the base of the pedestrian footbridge and assumed the role of town crier, except that his cries amounted to bitching out passersby. Police cordially exiled him to far distant shutthefuckupistan. [More]
Two-poodle swarm terrifies villagers – September 16, 2008
12:31 a.m. The midnight rambler returned, this time describing someone in a downtown store who walked up to him and said he had stolen his identity. The caller also asked if he’d called the right number for “pirate talk.” [More]
Siphoning and saxophoning both prove draining – September 2, 2008
• Wednesday, August 13 3:19 p.m. At an 18th Street address, the blinds are always drawn and a reeky skunk smell emanates from within. [More]

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